hUiLiN 
Friday, March 23
hooray. im being accused - full stop
i just saw something that i couldnt help feeling unjust of.. i just felt so wrongly accused.. maybe i was wrong that i went in agreement with the rest who started saying. but i didnt say a word. damn, was i the one who complained about the math teacher? to begin with, i never even thought of bringing him into the dialogue session.. before the event, i even told some people while waiting outside the inner space not to mention that thing.. cause no matter wad, we still have to show the teacher some respect, especially in front of the v.p.
why? was i wrong too to say we need more math questions to prepare for alvl exams?
but when the first person began to bring up that, i guess.. everything follows. everyone began to yea yea.. i admit, but i added no comments. until some guy burst out furiously, then it suddenly occured to me.. what we had just done were not right thing.. which was why meiling and i jumped to salvage the situation. that the teacher did try his best alr, and it was our fault that we didnt show him the basic courtesy. oh damn, i knew i say something after the guy burst out, but i forgot..
honestly speaking, that guy, the way he spoke up for the teacher. i thought he was really going to hit a vein or blow his mind. and its because of that behaviour, that i realized we had gone overboard. and it was because of that that i realized he isnt the heck-care guy i know. he is someone who stays very loyal to friends, one who wun betray them no matter what he says on the outside, and ll forever stay by their side. yes, that was wad i thought of you. despite all your other flaws.. all of us have flaws, i dun deny.. but that impression perhaps was the most positive side i ever come up for you.. and perhaps that's the most real you.
to me, you were hero during that session. because of your call to justice.
but you.. never fail to hurt my feelings.. i dunno who gave you the info abt yest, but apparently.. the reason i cried was because i was given a question to present. and because i wanted to save paper, i squeezed all workings and diagrams on to a little corner.. which was why it was messy. and because i was sure the math tutor would be confused after reading that. i volunteered to present the answer. and yet, instead of supporting classmates while they were in front. wad i got was "go back la". how encouraging is that? if i wasnt given the task to do, i would be just glad to sit at my table and continue my work. i shant bother to interrupt.. now i understood how he feel when he was in front trying to teach our class. out of sudden, i felt small and helpless.. i was trying my best to explain the question, and hoping that you all will understand the way i understand. apparently it did not happen. i felt devastated not because the fact that i didnt get to present my whole answer. there are ample of chances in the future.. but of some hurting comments made..
the way you spoke, the way you act, perhaps to you, you think they are too insignificant.. or maybe to you, im just being overly-eomotional or super-vulnerable person.. i admit it.. but tell you, friend. it was also because i treat you as a real friend, i thought i see the inner you, that it hurts more from your criticisms and actions than i receive from complete strangers..